The Yuppie is a cut-throat creature. Systematic in his plans, strategic in his thoughts and mechanical in his actions. This corporate soldier has his life mapped out for him by age 18 when he decides to become a student of commerce. The number-crunching Yuppie only takes calculated risks. They are notorious lovers of quality, luxury, inflated societal status and the dollar bill. With an overbearingly materialistic definition of success, they are the envy of every poor man and every failed creative.

     Yuppie Checklist

  • Drink Scotch on the rocks in a tumbler even though you’re under 32
  • Socialize predominantly with colleagues and contemporaries
  • Your conversations should involve weighing up McKinsey, Goldman Sachs and Investec
  • Be annoyed at administrative and managerial banalities
  • Go to gym at least every second day
  • Aspire to own an Armani suit
  • Make Suits your favourite TV series
  • Secretly envision owning property in Camps Bay
  • Find yourelf a sleek bachelor pad in the city centre
  • Watch the stock market and feel hardcore doing it
  • If you’re of colour, scramble for those BEE positions
  • Haul yourself up that rope to become CEO
  • When you get there, give money to charity in order to secure tax rebate
  • When your conscience wakes up, venture into social entrepreneurship

So remember to take your chances out there kids: high risk, high returns. But don’t worry, it’s not like UCT’s signature commerce course is saturated with over 800 students, almost half of whom drop out every year.What does the world really need? Another accountant.