The Mother City’s population of Zef finds itself in Bellville. Just as Joburg has its Zef population in Benoni, Bellville’s clique of CY number-plated jollers do NOT take five years to get dressed in the morning. With mal sound systems in their vehicles, it doesn’t matter what music is playing as long as it has lekker bass. With their 6 by 9 speakers and their YMCMB caps, the zef riffraff don’t associate with the Poppies and the Hipsters. Fok hulle laanies – they sturvy – wanna come keep them kwaai here.

If you didn’t know this, the phenomenon of Zef is a white trash appropriation of the phenonemon of Gam (For the laanies, Gam refers to the crassest stream of Coloured culture). Interesting fact: Die Antwoord stole Gam lingo and made it famous with their fancy record label. Anyway, enough intellectualizing, this is how you join the counter-culture.

    Zef Checklist

  • Your wardrobe should contain at least one Ed Hardy item
  • Conceal your eyes behind aviator Ray Bans
  • Drown your weekends in Klipdrfit and Coke
  • Refuse to drink anything without ice
  • Shop at Chinatown
  • Live with your parents as long as possible
  • Own at least five hoodies
  • Have a Premiere League scarf
  • Baby’s on Fire is your favourite song at the moment
  • Make sure that you cannot see Table Mountain from your house
  • Spend your very limited cash on modifying your car
  • Mow the lawn in your boxer shorts
  • Go to the shop in a vest and slippers
  • Read The Voice
  • Party in Edward Street

And you will be Zef. Is ja. Lastly, race is of no consequence to the Zef sub-culture. But if you don’t understand Afrikaans, you might wanna consider picking it up along the way. AWEH!

Bellville’s finest in his element. Papa wag vir jou.